Romantic Journal

November 2^nd.

First day out in wilderness and it’s gorgeous. I already feel this real connection with the world around me. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Fuck society with its greed-based economic system, its utter reliance on slothfulness, its rape of the environment, the way we throw away just so we can consume more. Thank you Emerson. Thank you Thorough. Thank you for liberating me. I came out to this woods with nothing more than an ax and this journal.  This is the first time in my life I’ve ever heard real silence. When I finally turned off my Blackberry, escaped the noisy cities and freeways, and turned down my iPod  I could finally listen for the first time.  In this kind of silence I can hear the earth pulsating, whisperings to me private messages that only I can hear. From here on out it’s just me and the world. For the first time in my life I am an individual and self sufficient.

November 3^rd

Birds make such lovely noises; I think I can hear what they are talking about. I think they’re saying it’s going to be a mild winter. 

November 14^th

Sorry it’s been so tough keeping up with this journal, the first few days have been a bit difficult. Didn’t realize the kind of work it would take to actually build a log cabin. Every muscle in my body is on fire, and my current residence I would barely consider a home, or even a shanty. Food has also been problematic.  Being a vegan and someone who only ate organic back in the plastic world I thought I’d easily be able to make the transition into just eating berries and things.   This is not so.  I’ve gotten food poisoning from nearly everything I’ve eaten. Why is this so difficult, why won’t nature let me bond with it?

November 27^th

I think today is thanksgiving. It is thanksgiving and I have nothing to eat.  I tried to kill an animal today.  I’m so hungry, I tried to kill a poor little dear. I had the bow and the arrows and it was right in my sights.  It moseyed right up to me, like it wanted me to kill it. “Go ahead, just shoot me right here, you can nibble on me, no one’s watching.” I had in my sight and I just couldn’t release the bow.  Damn my dogma, damn my karma, damn my empathy, damn all of it. I wish I could’ve dropped that forest rat but in the end I knew I couldn’t. I love animals. Animals are the only things I’ve ever related to and I can’t kill my brothers. It’s society I don’t feel relation to. In fact I’d feel more comfortable eating a person. Yea, a nice fat republican bastard. Anne Coulter is probably a bit to skinny so I’d have to stick with a nice sized Glenn Beck. I wonder if neo-conservatives cook like tufu?

1. Heat a non-stick frying pan on medium with olive oil, or your favorite cooking oil
2. Add a pinch of asefetida (hing) or a crushed garlic clove to the oil for extra flavor
3. Cut Glenn Beck into 1 inch chunks, and add to food processor
4. If you don’t have one, mash by hand or with a potato masher, and finely chop the parsley or basil first
5. Throw in everything else and mix well by hand, or on low in the food processor just until it all clumps up
6. Form into eight 3 – 4 inch patties
7. Fry in small amount of oil, on medium heat, 5-7 minutes on each side, or until golden brown

I always used this for Tufu burgers. And I’m just kidding about the cannibalism. HAHA! …right?

December 4^th

I’m a fucking dead man. My parents were right, my boss was right, my ex-girlfriend was right. I wasn’t ready. I just want to go home. Fuck nature with its food chain, and it’s dirt, and it’s fucking bears, and it’s destructive storms, and it’s lack of compassion. I used to protest global warming, now all I want is a little heat so I won’t freeze to death.  I used look down on meat eaters, now I would laugh at every last cow in factory farms for just one slice of steak. I used to drive my hybrid past every Exxon and yell “Fuck you!” now I would suck every dick at Halliburton so just an ounce of fuel for a fire.  I’m so sorry McDonalds, my apologies Walmart, Starbucks, no hard feelings ma’am.

December 9^th

I noticed something, everyone goes up in arms when animals get hurt at a lab or whatever but no one gives a shit if an animal get’s killed or injured in nature. Nature is just as much of an asshole as a scientist. At least scientists have purpose.

December 15^th

Fuckers. I came out here to transcend. They said I’d become enlightened. They said I’d find myself.  Is this who I am? A man starving to death in the woods during a blizzard? Those Fuckers.

December 23^rd

My stomach is eating itself. I swear I can hear it. No. Listen. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP. My small intestines are crying like babies. Cheer up babies, it’s almost Christmas and SANTA CLAUS is coming! But only if you’re good. Haha, we’ve been really good. Haven’t we digestive track. Haven’t we?

December 25^th

Merry Christmas.  I’m walking out of here.  Happy Holidays. I think I can make it. Yes it can’t be that far! Have a good 4^th of July! I’m sure I hear a town out in the distance! Happy Columbus Day! Presidents day! Three day weekend! I can eat some of this. I can eat some of this. Yes some of this will be good.

(The page is torn here.)